Archive for Relationship


As many readers have gotten back into Heartbreak, I must put a disclaimer here.

If you want to read this blog, you should head all the way back to the beginning ( and read in order.

It’s about a guy who was an asshole – here I call him “X” – and a girl that was stuck in the middle – me. I dedicate it to any girl that’s ever dated an asshole.


This literary work has been copyrighted by the United States Library of Congress. Any attempt to plagiarize, recreate, or use this work without the written consent of its’ author is punishable by law.


The Final Installment

I never wrote back to Mrs. X. Frankly I didn’t think there was anything to say. I mean, I’d be pissed too. For the sake of writing, and since I “can’t shut my mouth,” I will respond to her here.

Mrs. X,

Let me first apologize to you. I’m sorry that you had to read this – it wasn’t meant for your eyes. Contrary to your belief, I didn’t “set out” for you and X to find this. Actually, I couldn’t care less. I made the blog private because I DIDN’T want you to read it – I didn’t want to upset anyone (make sense?). It started as something for my friends to laugh at and it turned into something bigger than I could have ever imagined. Unfortunately this “success” is bittersweet because I evidently made you angry along the way. That wasn’t my intention. I didn’t respond to your E-mail because I really had nothing to say to you.

You should know that I knew that you and X were getting married way before your friends “friended” me on facebook. Yes, Mrs. X, your friends? Friended me. And, newsflash, I’m from Norwood, and went to school with the two friends we had in common. I didn’t even know that you were all still friends until “girl” told me. You’re right, though, I friended his brother – but not to get information – we’re not in high school. X and my husband used to be friends and they have many mutual friends – that’s how I knew everything. I didn’t facebook stalk you. Relax.

In direct response to your email, I know what X and I were … nothing … I was merely rewriting feelings that I had many years ago. Whether you think my feelings were warranted or not? Is really not your call. I wanted girls to know that mind games are intense, but can be overcome. If I didn’t go through all of that shit with X, I would have never met the man of my dreams. It’s all relative. Telling me that your father makes six figures? Isn’t relative.

I don’t care what you think or how you feel about this. You’re right, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. I never said anything bad about you or your children.You and X have a beautiful family and I’m sure you are living a life that wasn’t meant for me. Deep down? I never thought it was.

For the love of God, my blog is finally complete.


Effie Jacobson

Installment One Hundred Twelve

Here is a facebook message that I received from Mrs. X. The spelling errors and absurdity are all real.


I don’t know what you were trying to accomplish by starting a blog all about X, but all it did was make you look like a pathetic psycho. Talking about a relationship – if you could even call it that from 2002. Go back and read what you wrote and maybe you’ll see what anyone else who read it will see – a girl who was just a bootie call. He obviously wasn’t interested in you as a girlfriend. You and X were obviously JUST sex and nothing more. What single guy in his young 20’s wouldn’t call someone who was willing to go over to have sex with him. He said you didn’t even have a title – it was only a hook up. All the shit your writing about how you guys shared such a stong connection that neither of you could even understand is complete BULLSHIT!!!

If your “happily” married then why are you blogging about someone from your past. Detailing how you made out for hours, having sex, etc.. To me that’s someone who hasn’t gotten over someone. Maybe it’s time that you get over him, because he was clearly never that into you in the first place.

You wrote that your relationship was on and off for 4 years… Then you wrote in another part of the blog that it was from 2002 until one of the last months of 2006, but I know for a fact that isn’t true. He was living with me in 2006, and he wasn’t with anyone else. I know he didn’t cheat on me with you or anyone else nor would he ever even think of cheating on me. He waiting to long to be with me to screw it up. I met X probably a few months after you did. I was already in a relationship at the time, and became very good friends with X. I was friends with X for years before actually starting to date him. He made it very well known to everyone that he wanted to be with me – all our friends and even my parents. So you may have been someone he hooked up with, you were in love with him, but guess what – I was the girl that he was in love with. I was the one who had his heart – something that you never had.

Saying he is barely educated is wrong – and you wrote that 3 different times. He finished high school and then went into a trade. What’s wrong with that. My father also didn’t go to college, he’s a carpenter with an income in the 6 figures.. So now your saying that everyone who didn’t go to college and is working a trade is stupid. Oh, and apparently you never really knew him or his family, because even though his parents didn’t have a big fancy house they do have a lot of money. They are very well off – so saying you were rich and he was poor was wrong – and what kind of person cares about that?? Show’s that your more of a materialistic girl

You set out for me to find out about the blog – that much is obvious. You tried to hurt me, BUT you didn’t accomplish that. Pissed me off yes, but not hurt me. I’m not going to sit around and let someone talk complete bullshit about my husband, and send it out to everyone to read. Why would you friend his brother on facebook?? To see if you could get any info on X – and what you figured out was X was married with a kid. You saw me on his brothers friends and put two and two together. His brother said he didn’t really even know you and wasn’t ever even friendly with you. Then you friend a few more people that you knew from Norwood, but once again weren’t ever friends with, just because you saw they were friends with me.. Why else would you ask “girl” what she thought of your blog right after you started it?? To make sure that I would find out… You knew that these mutual friends would all know that Mr X was X… You knew that X & I would find out.. But then what?? Cuz after you found out that I knew you made it private, and deleted all of them from your friends list…. ummmmm another reason why it’s obvious that you did this to screw with me, and try to hurt me.. I never did anything to you, I don’t even know who the hell you are. Girls like you should come with warning labels on you so that nice guys like X don’t get mixed up with you.

You are such a writer in your own words, so lets see what you have to say about yourself now. I would be very surprised if you had nothing to respond to this, since you obviously can’t shut up. I have learned a long time ago never to trust a girl like you, so I 100% believe my husband.

Look forward to hearing what the next thing out of your mouth is…

Mrs. X – yes, I’m the one with his last name – not you!

Installment One Hundred Eleven


I cannot even believe that a girl that knows “X” read my blog. I mean I do post my link so people will read, but like, it’s so coincidental. Evidently she is good friends with X and his wife … this could get really interesting.

I talked to her again yesterday, and she obviously knows that it’s about X, so she just asked me and I was like “I knew that you knew” and she said, “it’s really obvious if you know him.” Yeah, I guess. She seems really concerned about me making this a book. Like REALLY concerned. She should mind her own business.

She actually told me that she loved reading it and that she found it funny especially because she knows X and how he acts. She said she was keeping it to herself … but if I was her? I would have already told my friend… I smell major drama.

Maybe I should make my blog private… maybe I don’t give a shit.

Installment One hundred Ten

01/05/09 (maybe these will all have dates…)

Facebook. It’s quite the thing, isn’t it? If your name looks familiar? I’ll add you as a friend, heck, I probably hated you in high school. Better yet, I probably made fun of you and made you cry, but you’re on FACEBOOK! Add friend!

This isn’t me talking. It’s my best impression of all these people who friend request me. Each time I get one, I think, huh, we were never “friends” … these people must be nosy. Oh well, I’ll accept. Why? Because I’m not 17 anymore. I’m 25 – a grown woman. I’m married (and have an album on there to prove it), I have a house, and a life, and gee whiz I am not a loser anymore. This is my time bitches. FRIEND AWAY.

Except today. Today I got a friend request – two actually – from these two girls who were a year ahead of me in elementary school and high school. Both these girls? Know X. Very well. One of them? Married his cousin. As a matter of facticles (my word, leave it), X is the godfather (HA!) of their child. I mean if I died? I would DEFINITELY want X to have custody of my kids… NOT.

To accept or not accept… this becomes even more challenging when you consider the fight that I got into with one of them about X one night. Once you read my entire blogsterpiece, you’ll know exactly who these two, “non-friends ever, but friends on facebook for sure” are. ACCEPT. This? Could get ugly.

Installment One Hundred Nine

01/02/09 (OK so maybe this one is dated)

Today is the day.

I have four journals filled with heartbreak and laughter that are sitting in a box next to me. Today? I will begin telling the world about X. He was such a charming fellow at times – witty, respectable – I feel that the internet world will feel an instant connection with him.

Scratch that. Truth is? I have to get all of this shit out of me. I never got my closure. I slept with X’s friend as a bit of a … hmm… “fuck you” and then I ended up marrying the guy. I mean, what if I never had met Mark? Would I still be seeing X? Would he have still gotten his (now) wife pregnant? That would have been a GRAND conversation. All of this crap has just been sitting inside of me and it’s time that outer space internet realm feel my disdain … or maybe I just think that I’m the only one. You know, sometimes? I feel like I’m the only one.

Like maybe I read into this too much. Either way… blog starts now… preface.

Reflection Seven

Since seeing X’s friend and finding out the news, I did what any psycho ex hook up would do: research. Note here the difference between stalking and research.

I looked up their wedding registry and tried to find out information about their unborn child – you know, to make sure this was really happening. All signs pointed to “yes” and I was faced with nothing more than ugly feelings. Sure, I knew I was bigger than all of this… but it still bothered me.

I had these feelings of low self esteem and self worth, really. It was like my whole life I had always been too good and all of the sudden, I hadn’t been good enough. It was a tough thing to cope with for me, but at the same time, I had to plan my own wedding. Kissing my fiance goodnight every night made all of these negative feelings go away. I was happy. And maybe X was happy too.

Mark and I were married on June 22, 2008. From then until now? Life’s been crazy. And yes, things have happened with “X” but rather indirectly. The next few installments will be recollections of what’s happened with X since my wedding. Hold on folks; the ride is still going.

Installment One Hundred Eight


Now as much as I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, it’s sometimes difficult when situations arise that … let’s say question people’s integrity … no no question motivations… no… OK so sometimes people do dumb shit. Get this one.

Mark and I (still engaged, wedding is in 8 months!) did a bike run this month and met up with some other friends (all acquaintances of X obviously). So a friend of Mark’s comes up to us and introduces his new girlfriend… (in short, he slept with my friend Jen who then delivered said girlfriend’s baby… HIS baby… AWKWARD).  He looks at me and says, “so did you hear, X is getting married!” I think I threw up … on him… or in my mouth… or throw up was involved in some way. I, in denial, said, “oh… really?!” my voice was cracking for some reason and my eye? twitching. He proceeds (Lord make it stop), “Yeah he knocked some b**** up and now he’s marrying her.”

The throw up was definitely in my mouth, I’m not sure who else noticed but I had an urge to laugh, so I swallowed and did so. Mark goes, “really?” and the guy goes, “yeah, dude. Did you ever think that kid would just get married?” I piped in, “No. Never. Ever.” Mark looks at me and I shoot him a huge pearly white smile, “All I had to do was get preggers? He would have married me? I never knew X was such a stand up kind of guy.” We all laughed. Hard.

Installment One Hundred Seven


So I was on my way to work one morning a couple of weeks ago and I saw X outside of a house nearby. Everyday after that, I saw his truck at the same house. I figured he was just doing work for someone, and I found it ironic that I pass this house to get to work, every day.

After seeing his truck there for weeks, at all different hours of the day (and night) I became suspicious. One day I drove by and he put his Harley up for sale. REALLY? You’re selling your bike? This has to be good. I looked his bike up on craigslist and sure enough a girl listed it for him (if you remember, he isn’t computer savvy). I looked up her name, found her myspace page and it was all there. He was dating her – a girl, close to his age, that had an adolescent child.

There was a picture of the two of them in a heart and all kinds of love quotes and things saying “I love my amazing boyfriend.”

SCREECH. Are we talking about the same guy?

As much as I couldn’t care less… I must say. Double-You Tee Eff?!!!!!!!!


From September 2005 through September 2006, my life was crazy. Crazy, FABULOUS!

Mark and I got engaged in August and were planning our wedding. X was so a thing of the past.

I would read my journals and always want to put them into print (hence my blog), but it wasn’t until more shit went down that I thought, “people would really LOVE this.” I mean X? Is sheer entertainment. He is such a character. The last few entries of Legendary Heartbreak are some of the funniest, oddest, greatest you can imagine. The end of Mr. X is so close, yet it’s so far away.

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