Installment One Hundred Six

10/7/05

I don’t miss X. For the first time in any relationship. I know I’d probably end up going back to him if Mark ever hurt me, but realistically? I don’t see that happening. I really think that I have finally let him go. I? Am having a party on the inside.

I still find it very amusing that X and Mark used to be friends. It’s like I wake up every morning and slap Mr. X in the face.

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Installment One Hundred Five

9/2/05

Thrilled that it’s September, aren’t you? Uh, yeah, no. My birthday is in two days!!! OK so maybe I’m the only one that’s over excited about that. Moving forward…

A bunch of us went to Friday’s tonight and as we were leaving, X walks in. Don’t worry because last weekend we were all there, and my friend Nick went outside for a smoke. He comes back in and looks at Mark and goes “we have a problem.” He looks at me, and then back at Mark, “X is outside.” Mark got up and went outside … walked up to X’s truck and X looked at him, and goes “the FUCK is up with you?” Mark turned around and came back inside, clearly knowing that X wasn’t too happy about Mark being with me. Well hardy har har.

Anyway, so tonight, we all go to leave and X HOLDS THE DOOR for us as we are walking out. He was by himself and the bar was empty. I wonder if he saw my car outside…

At this point I’m wasted, and in dire need of a cigarette, so I light up, Mark gets pissed off because I’m freaking out about X and smoking… Laura decides she is going to puke in the grass, and my night was hysterical.

We all calm ourselves down, get in the car and as we pull away, we see X come out and get back into his truck. All within 10 minutes time.

Installment One Hundred Four

8/17/05

So I had tonsillitis over the weekend and had to go to the ER on Sunday – wicked fun.

Mark (yes, six weeks, I know) told me he loved me today. I knew it was coming but it was nice that it took six weeks. I’m used to boys jumping into the “I love you’s” or never ever thinking the word “love” exists… We’ll see what happens.

Laura and I saw X in his work truck tonight. We put on disguises (aside: I have a “prop” box in my trunk with all kinds of dress up stuff and fake teeth, for occasions just like these) and drove by him twice (watch out now). It was so funny. It feels kinda nice to be all set with him. It felt good to finally be able to walk away the bigger person (salvaging whatever self respect I had left). Who cares? I wonder if he’ll call me…

Installment One Hundred Three

8/8/05

I figure that it’s been over a month and I still feel the same so there’s gotta be something holding me back. So what is it? X? X and I are pretty impossible right now (seeing as I’m sleeping with his friend, cough cough). If time went by and he called me, I’d really have to see where my heads at. Where my heart is. He’s the only guy I’d give it all to anyway, and since he’s a no-go? Mark and I are officially ON.

I do like Mark, a lot, and I’m wondering if maybe, just maybe, this was all supposed to happen.

Installment One Hundred Two

7/25/05

I’m still seeing Mark; it’s been three whole weeks. Wow. I do like him… but I have X issues and I don’t know what I want. I miss X, A LOT. I don’t know if I will ever see him again and I don’t know that I will ever get the chance that I think that I deserve. Only time will tell.

I miss him. I wish things could be different.

Reflection Six

4/15/2009

So some of you who know me via facebook and twitter now know the ultimate outcome of me and Mr. X. If you are a new reader, you must go all the way back to the Preface and start from the beginning.

The last phone call that I had with X was really tough. I remember I was at work “in my office” (the laundry room), sitting on a stool. Crying. He yelled at me for almost two hours and at the end of the conversation? He goes, “Are you done? Can I go now?” Like it was me talking. I don’t think I said but eight words to him.

I did feel terrible for betraying him. I still do, sometimes. To this day I don’t know how he felt and if it hurt him, really. His reaction alone is proof to me that there was something there. Whether he was mad to be losing his “on-call girl” or losing someone he cared about (read loved) I don’t know. I’ll never know. And maybe that’s okay.

There have been some recent developments that I am going to share with you all in upcoming installments. I think you will enjoy them. I’ll give you a sneak peak.

X? Found out about this blog. Stay tuned. Much more Legendary Heartbreak to come!

Installment One Hundred One

7/21/05

All I want to do is ball my eyes out. I called X last Friday because I heard that he found out that I had been seeing Mark, and I heard that he wasn’t too happy. So we talked for an hour and a half. He flipped the fuck out.

He was very cold to me. He told me he could never and would never go out with me. He kept saying “all girls are the fuckin’ same.” He told me he was “all set with the drama” and that it was “time for [me] to move on with [my] life.” He said that he didn’t give a “fuck” about me and Mark and he wished us the best of luck. He kept saying, “this is fuckin’ unbelievable.” And then? He goes, “yeah, whatever. I knew you would pull shit like this. I hope you fuckin’ marry that kid. Fuck it.”

I cried. The entire call. I just cried.

Installment One Hundred

7/14/05

I think an update? Is more than necessary. So I’ve been seeing X’s friend, Mark for about two weeks now. Did I mention that I was DATING X’s friend? Just checking. So I don’t really know how I feel about this one.

X hasn’t called me for two and a half weeks, which I expected because of our last little spat. He told the kid who had the cookout that he thinks I’m crazy and that he “picks me up, and we bang, and that’s it.” Really, X? Awesome. Way to be. Did I mention your friend Mark sent me two dozen roses and a dozen lilies yesterday? Eat shit!

Anyway, back on topic. So Mark like loves me; seriously. And he asks me every day and night to be his girlfriend, but I keep saying no. Why do I keep saying no? Because I feel like I’m stabbing X in the back. I feel like X really does like me – and even if he doesn’t – this is like CODE. You don’t do this to someone… right? I think X and I need to talk or something. I don’t want to make a huge deal out of it… but basically it’s time for him to face the music. If it’s just sex for him, than he’s going to be losing his constant piece of ass… to his friend. If it’s more than that … than I should date both of them. Shouldn’t I?

I just cannot pursue things with Mark until X and I are completely over.

Installment Ninety-Nine

7/06/05

Laura and I just got home from having drinks with Nick and Mark. Mark is that kid I mentioned that I talked to at the cookout … the one I asked how X was and whatever. Don’t worry. Now I’m having drinks with his friends. Next thing I’ll be sleeping with them. Then marrying them.
Anyway, so I really like Mark, of course. He is like my dream guy, other than he went on vacation with X. We are supposed to see each other tomorrow night. I’m trying to keep things casual, since I don’t want to royally muck things up with X.

Installment Ninety-Eight

7/04/05

So a friend of X’s who Jen has been talking to, invited us to a cookout at his house. Jen called me and told me X was supposed to be there, so I called Laura and was like “we? are going.” And with that? We were on our way.

I just got home. X never showed up. All of his friends were there though, and we had a fun time with them. I really wished he was there, since that’s the only reason I went … and it was a chill atmosphere – it would have been interesting to see how he acted. I think we all had a good time either way.

I don’t really know about him right now. Maybe he didn’t show up because he knew I was going to be there. I think he may have gone to the Water Club, but my friend Nick went there and he would have told me if X was there. He wasn’t at any of his usual places either, so I’m not sure what’s up.

I’m going to let it go 3-4 weeks without calling him. Hopefully he will call me within that time. Or I might (read will) go crazy. We’ll see. I talked to his friend Mark at the cookout. Nick told me that X and Mark were good friends, so I figured I’d do some investigating. So I asked Mark if X was a good kid, to which he replied, “Yeah. He’s a good kid. But the one thing about X is… he doesn’t give a fuck about anything.” Very reassuring. That’s a GREAT quality. Awesome. No Really.Awesome.

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